Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Oblique

Life’s shitty if you think about it... You get older and regret all the mistakes you’ve made and thanks to hindsight - the laughing hyena of time, you get to ponder ‘what ifs?’ or other unrealistic perfect scenarios.

I’m only 26 and think ‘Man, how was I ever 18 years old?’ I thought I knew it all, I was and still am an idiot, sure, I’m a better version than before but that’s experience, we do learn from our mistakes in most cases but then you can’t teach an old dog new tricks or in my case you can’t teach a lazy dog anything! If you’re not naturally gifted at something what do you? You work at it; you slog your guts trying to get better and for what? Happiness, have we even figured out what that is yet?!

That age old question of what would you do if you could go back?! I mean I’m single, live at home and have a meaningless job I hate:  a summation of my life in one singular term would be floundering, but if I knew then what I knew now? I wouldn’t have stuck in at school; I would have stuck in at college, went to university and got a degree, if not for anything other than superiority and to not be considered second class to somebody’s beloved wonder child with their honours in photography!

It seems to be frowned upon that you be single in your mid-twenties, one can only imagine how horrendous and condescending people must become if you’re 30 plus. The problem is two-fold; now that I know how to be upfront and honest and tell a girl I like her and would like to take her  out there aren’t many girls who meet my exceedingly ridiculous standards (a gorgeous girl who loves video games, sex and doesn’t mind my constant sarcastic remarks and me laughing at them and explaining them if she doesn’t get them), and the biggest problem being that most lovely well-adjusted demi-goddess’ tend to be taken or bound by a gold plated Chinese finger-trap.

I’m not stupid enough to be happy or smart enough to do anything amazing with my life but I’m not an idiot, a pseudo-intellectual/idiot savant, I have a job of reasonable income and I have a car and I can even stay out as late as I want. On paper I’m boyfriend material but in practice at 26 years old I’m seeing the signs of old age creeping  up on me; being told I dress ‘too young’ for my age by younger colleagues, finding more grey hairs with each passing second and laughter lines leaving their mark, what’s an unskilled average guy to do?

Women say there are no good men left, I profess a change: there are no great men left.

There’s an abundance of good men; hardworking, honest, caring men, but they’re not ripped and don’t have bank accounts that have more digits than your telephone number. TV has ruined mine and your expectations of love, we’ll never meet a bus stop, I won’t be your shoulder to cry on until you realise I’m the one and I won’t be interrupting your wedding to confess my undying love or how I touch myself in your honour… Fuck you Hugh Grant, Julia Roberts and the movie industry, you’ve made more unrealistic expectations of love than Disney and the Kama Sutra combined.

I’m only 26, in theory I’m not even half way through but if my quarter century plus one has taught me anything is that happiness is an illusion and life’s main purpose is distraction; TV, internet, video games, and hell even sport! Just distract yourself from your pitiful blip in the annals of time and get on with it, you can be the champion of the world but you’ll never truly be remembered, Joe Bloggs won’t know any more than your name, face and respective accomplishments but he’ll never know you, no one will remember your true essence.

Outlook: Bleak.

But hey, you’re an animal with survival instincts and chances are your brain will fight off the thoughts of suicide and replace them with cravings for cake, sex and the latest Call of Duty… It ain’t all bad!

A guy’s gotta eat.

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