So this is Christmas, and what have you done?
I’ve struggled to stay jolly,
mostly. If one more shop worker wishes me a ‘Merry Christmas’ I'm going to have to punch a pensioner to restore
the balance!
Christmas carollers can nick off too; I shouldn't feel awkward closing my own front door, even if it is in a child's face.
It needs to be regulated - they should ask if you want carols so you can politely decline - instead you open the door to them already singing and feel obliged to give them something; it's like someone shoving a mince pie in your mouth then asking for 50p.
I like to stop them mid-song Simon Cowell style *raises hand* 'sorry guys I just wasn't feeling it, I'm struggling to see who will buy your album!'
I'd have Dermott O'Leary just stood at the end on my garden to find out how they felt about my comments.
Everyone on Facebook needs to bugger off with the Coca Cola advert mentions too! I'm sick of it. It’s been the same bloody advert for like 20 years and they haven't had to change it. Pepsi need to pull their finger out! They should reinvent Santa; he could wear blue, should probably be black (for diversity purposes), can shoot lasers out of his eyes and transform into Rudolph.
Who wouldn't want to see that advert? A family distraught because their oven is broken and can't cook their Christmas dinner, then all of a sudden Rudolph crashes through the window, transforms into black Santa and uses his laser vision to cook the turkey in 5 seconds flat, Christmas is saved!
The tag line could be: 'Pepsi, it's not as good as Coke.'
The big advert this year is the John Lewis snowman advert; for those who haven't seen it, it stars 2 snowmen, snowpeople? Whatever the plural for snowman is?!
There's a snowman and a snowwoman (they're not anatomically correct, there's no 'snow boob' action or anything) and the story is the snowman wants to buy the snowwoman a present from John Lewis, naturally, a middle class snowman it would appear.
You see him travel for miles; across fields, a stream, up a mountain etc. and then you witness the most disturbing of scenes. Now, you'll have seen this bit and thought it completely harmless but once I tell you, you'll understand the true horror. There's a scene where the snowman hides behind a dumpster looking horrified as some people have a snowball fight. Seemingly harmless, but the only way you can relate this is if it were 2 humans, it had rained skin and some other species was throwing balls of that skin at each other for fun! This is on pre watershed too, kids will never sleep again and if your child still sleeps, he's probably a remorseless skin ball throwing lunatic.
Christmas carollers can nick off too; I shouldn't feel awkward closing my own front door, even if it is in a child's face.
It needs to be regulated - they should ask if you want carols so you can politely decline - instead you open the door to them already singing and feel obliged to give them something; it's like someone shoving a mince pie in your mouth then asking for 50p.
I like to stop them mid-song Simon Cowell style *raises hand* 'sorry guys I just wasn't feeling it, I'm struggling to see who will buy your album!'
I'd have Dermott O'Leary just stood at the end on my garden to find out how they felt about my comments.
Everyone on Facebook needs to bugger off with the Coca Cola advert mentions too! I'm sick of it. It’s been the same bloody advert for like 20 years and they haven't had to change it. Pepsi need to pull their finger out! They should reinvent Santa; he could wear blue, should probably be black (for diversity purposes), can shoot lasers out of his eyes and transform into Rudolph.
Who wouldn't want to see that advert? A family distraught because their oven is broken and can't cook their Christmas dinner, then all of a sudden Rudolph crashes through the window, transforms into black Santa and uses his laser vision to cook the turkey in 5 seconds flat, Christmas is saved!
The tag line could be: 'Pepsi, it's not as good as Coke.'
The big advert this year is the John Lewis snowman advert; for those who haven't seen it, it stars 2 snowmen, snowpeople? Whatever the plural for snowman is?!
There's a snowman and a snowwoman (they're not anatomically correct, there's no 'snow boob' action or anything) and the story is the snowman wants to buy the snowwoman a present from John Lewis, naturally, a middle class snowman it would appear.
You see him travel for miles; across fields, a stream, up a mountain etc. and then you witness the most disturbing of scenes. Now, you'll have seen this bit and thought it completely harmless but once I tell you, you'll understand the true horror. There's a scene where the snowman hides behind a dumpster looking horrified as some people have a snowball fight. Seemingly harmless, but the only way you can relate this is if it were 2 humans, it had rained skin and some other species was throwing balls of that skin at each other for fun! This is on pre watershed too, kids will never sleep again and if your child still sleeps, he's probably a remorseless skin ball throwing lunatic.
Got wood?
I digress, he eventually makes it to John Lewis and heads home (you don't see his journey back, must have just got a taxi or skipped the Metro) to give his gift.
The advert ends with the reveal of the gift, discarded wrapper at her feet (stump), I presume they wrapped it in store as I'm not sure snowmen have the dexterity for gift wrapping, hell, I don't either and I've got opposable thumbs!
The present in question is a hat, scarf and gloves; a weak present for a human but a horrendous gift for a snowwoman. The last thing she needs is something that's going to keep her warm!
All I can imagine is he's been stuck next to her chattering on and is sick of her and wants to watch her slowly melt before his dark raisin eyes!
I'd like to see a follow up to the advert in about June time with the words 'John Lewis: all good things must come to an end.' And there's just an image of two carrots in a puddle.
Maybe I've missed the point?
It doesn't matter anyway as the Mayan calendar runs out on the 21st, so obviously, the world's going to end.
I don't see what the big deal is anyway, my Spice Girls calendar ran out in 1997 and nothing happened (well, the bullying stopped.)
I'm using the excuse to eat the remainder of my advent calendar on the 20th, lest my soul has to spend eternity wondering what was behind that little door on the 22nd.
I’m glad it’s not Christmas every day, it’s a pain in the arse.
Bah humbug.
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